AS-NT marriages often follow a predictable destructive cycle: **Phase 1 — Idealization:** The NT is attracted to the AS partner's intelligence, calmness, honesty. The AS partner's quirks seem endearing. **Phase 2 — Stress reveals differences:** As life stress accumulates (jobs, children, finances), the AS-NT difficulties emerge. The NT feels lack of emotional responsiveness as rejection. She questions what's happening. The AS partner, due to theory of mind deficits, has no idea what she's talking about. **Phase 3 — Withdrawal vs pursuit:** The AS partner hears questions as criticism and withdraws. The NT, feeling lonely and frustrated, pushes harder for connection. The more she pushes, the more he withdraws. **Phase 4 — Retreat to special interest or stimming:** The AS partner retreats to their special interest or resorts to **stimming** — repetitive behavior that lowers anxiety. **Stimming:** In young children, motor behaviors (spinning, clapping). In adults, more socially acceptable forms: a man played solitaire for hours; a woman practiced yoga headstands repeatedly. Both were using these to bring down anxiety levels. The NT doesn't understand the retreat as a stress response — she experiences it as rejection and abandonment. **Source:** Lovett, *Solutions for Adults with Asperger Syndrome*, Ch 9 (pp233-237) See also: [[AS NT Recovery Gap]], [[Special Interests as Anxiety Regulation]]